When I was in recovery, (there where several) the final recovery, the one that took. (kind of, as I relapsed again, only to remember there lessons) One of the things that I really found helpful was the use of affirmations, positive thinking, and getting to know your core feelings. At the time I remember thinking to my self, as this was a Christian organization that they where in fact doing magic, in a sense of changing perspectives...
One of the first things they teach you in recovery is that if you repeat the same behavior expect the same results. You need to change everything about you, people you hang with, place's you go, and things that you do. When I finally made the decision to become sober, I did just that. Including my hair color,, lol,, I do not think they ment that, but hey, it's me :)
I already covered affirmations, they work for me,, and the moto is "work it" At the home I was at we stayed there for 9 months, with 25 other women all in recovery of one form or another, it was a enlightening experience, to say the least. When we "worked" our 4th 5th and 6th step all very important,, and for me incredibly difficult, they taught us "core feeling" Okay so now your saying Kane get to the point,,, Core feelings are deeper then just a quick scan of "how you feeling today?" We where taught to get in touch with what we feel when... we made lists,, This is an example.
1 List of concerns/confrontations
2 Appreciations /gratitude
4 Personal Boundaries
At first glance you would think okay so what,, but let me tell you,, and any good alcoholic can tell you that, that list is a joke. Really,, we do not do confrontations, and personal boundaries do not exist , we hide, or run or concerns are simple next hit, or next bottle,, so you see the pattern I wont go any further with that ...
Next is a little more difficult
1. When you (actual behavior)
2. Like the time you (specific behavior)
3. I feel (3 or more core feelings)
Happy, hopeful, lonely, hurt, sad, peaceful, grateful, guilty, proud, shame, relieved, loved, angry. Basic like the basic colors,, really. In fact for me I associated colors with each feeling. It worked for me.
Now if you make those list,,, and or fill out the behaviors, you will see how it helps.. and what your core feelings are, how to know what you are really feeling,, and how you can change them. In changing your core feelings your are leaving room open for more positive behaviors, and more productive magic..
Example I'll use my husband (poor guy, I always pick on him)
When you clean the house at 7:30am,, like you do everyday, I feel guilty, shamed and angry.
When you clean the house at 7:30am like you do every morning, I feel grateful, proud, and loved.
Do you see how changing your core feelings can change your perspective,, allowing for love.
Another one I can use is when I was in my drinking days,, and at the time I did not notice of course. I love my bestie,, she been with me through it all,, and loved me the whole time..
Example Lisa my bestie
When you pick on me about drinking, like the time I got drunk and knocked over your bird cage. I feel angry, shamed, and resentful. This one is hard because really I was drunk, and I was trying to help, but in fact made more work and could have hurt her bird. But she recognized that, and in fact was concerned for me.. so If I turn it around and say
When you show concern for my drinking, like when I knocked over your bird cage, it makes me feel loved, sad, that I let you down, and relieved that we are still friends :)
Let loose of what you can not control and serenity will be yours~