Friday, February 24, 2012

Deity a personal choice

Merry Meet, and welcome to week 8 of the Pagan blog project, thank you for allowing me to share what I have learned, and please feel free to comment, Im very much about the feedback good or bad.  I like to know if I've missed something, or if you have learned something. 

Deities, Wow pretty broad area, indeed.  There really are dozens upon dozens of them.  What I know for sure from experience is that when choosing your Deity you should choose wisely, do your research, find out everything about the Deity you choose that you can.  What are there gifts, or spouse's, do they have children.  Where do they live, and what is it that they like, if it's flowers, or fire, try to gift them with such things.  I also know that, well for me anyway, you would want to represent your self worthy of the God or Goddess your asking helping from, I always do a cleansing bath with sea salts, and lavender.  Do a good meditation first and by all means no matter what, call on them only when you can be completely uninterrupted.  That to me is just good manners. 

Whether you choose the same the Deity for all your magical work, or you pick and choose only the ones you need for a particular reason be educated, dont guess and be polite.  I suppose the same rules would apply as going to church.  I like to think about it as having highly respected family member visiting, and show them as much love and respect I would a beloved great grandmother. 

I know that for me anyway I get directed and  very assuredly, this sort of thing started to happen right about the same time as my sobriety date, no coincidence Im sure. I dont always feel the same presence but I have a Goddess with me at all times.  For the most part  I believe that Gaia is the Goddess that directs me.  I feel very strongly about earth, and her well being.  I enjoy spending time outdoors, and exploring all that she has to offer, and for me it's a very direct pull. I also am very protective and will voice my opinion about people taking advantage of her resources.  There are other times however that I feel others there just guiding me, so what ever your belief is on the Deities, be prepared.  I know that my life was changed by accepting the love, and opening my heart, mind and body for there use, it is my daily prayer that Gaia's love reflects in me, that she show's me daily the steps I need to take. Blessed Be with love and light as always. 

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I have had an epiphany !

I have had an epiphany, again, this has been happening to me a lot lately.  I like to think of it as Goddess telling me what I need to do.

So let me share, which is what she is telling me to do.  I have only just touched on that Im a recovering alcoholic, I have not shared the how I became to be who I am now, and what it is I hope to gain from doing these blogs.  

The pagan blog project came to me, and I was very excited to work with other Witch's /Wiccan's / Pagan's ,, I feel myself "new again" as I had lost so much during my career as an alcoholic.  Hence "New Beginings"  Im not sure if you would know what alcohol can do to a person's mind, or body.  From my mind it stole important information, that I am relearning, from by body it stole years that I will never get back,  It also stole self confidence, and brought to me instead self loathing, and doubt, some of which I still struggle with from time to time.  I have been inspired by other women that In my opinion are Priestess's of love & light, and I trust them, respect there work, and follow as examples of what I would hope to become one day. 

Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

On September first of 2009, my first epiphany come to me, again Im calling her the Goddess directing me, as it got me sober.  It struck me brighter then any ray of sunshine through darkness that I had covered myself in,, I was shown love, I was shown gratitude,  It was as if someone dipped me the cleanest bath I've ever had, and said okay Kandy, now you got work to do,  show them who you are, and let me reflect in you.  I have not picked up since.  To some of you, you might think "no way" that did'nt happen, she's making it up,,, Im telling you no I am not,  It is what I felt, what touched me, it was a gentle reminder that life is beautiful and I was wasting it,  I had over a half of a bottle of vodka that day, my intentions where to finish it with the day, I threw it out. 

Since then, I have been "relearning" all that I have forgotten.  and because of recovery I also learned a few new things mostly about myself, about others, and really just about life in general.  I've also learned that even though Im new again.  I may have something to offer,, to another new person.  But my thoughts where, at the time that pagan blog project started,  maybe if I tell others what Im doing some other Wiccan, Pagan, Witch, Sender of love and light,, what ever you call yourself,, lol :)) will see what I have done, or am doing and either say, "hey Kandy, you forgot about this part"   or "can I tell you something more about (fill in the blank) ?"   You know something even if a new comer came and said "you know more about this then I, where do I start?"  Then I have helped someone.  That would be a blessing.  So I will take what I can get for now, live each day to the fullest, or at least attempt to.  I appreciate so much more now, I find humor in the strangest things, and I have a new respect for my faith, and for me. 

In "the program" of AA there is a saying, it's "now share what you have"  If you want what we have you too can receive it, it's worth the effort though the steps are hard.  I want to share what I have with who ever will take it, I volunteer at the food bank because I received food from there when I was to busy getting drunk.  I have "cause's" now that I feel very strongly about mostly because I've lived them Domestic Violence, Homelessness, Animal rights, to name a few. I want to give back, but I also want to receive as well.  So Im calling all Wiccans new, and older to the craft, if I have something I will share, If I missed something, or If you feel compelled to share with me via these blogs then please do,, it's the feedback that I will be looking for, and learning from,, 

Thank you so much for your time in reading this,, I do have a tenancy to ramble when I get excited about things.  I hope that you will get to know me better, and  I you, with your thoughts and ideas as well.. Blessed Be with love and light, my She who holds me, hold you as well. Namaste )0(

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Diana Myth Legend Goddess

Merry Meet & welcome to week 7 of the Pagan Blog Project this weeks letter is D.

I decided and Im sure that there where many who did also, to discuss Diana.  I am new again, to the Wiccan circle so I am still a little gray in some aspects.  Those area's where I am unfamiler with are the one's that I find to be the best to research. :) Just me getting comfortable again.

So who is Diana? She is a wonderful and much loved Goddess by many witch's. I would say the most called upon. Diana is the Goddess of the moon, hunt, animals, child birth, fertility, she would be called upon for protection in domestic situation's siding for the women. Please a word of advice, should you call on her make sure to follow all the steps required for presenting your self to a Goddess.  That would be a ritual bath, dress or undress, which ever you are comfortable with, and be well rested. Meditation is a good idea also. Be organized. 

Diana has many myths & Legends written about her. Myth, an origin of the world & it's people. Explains mysteries, sacred in nature or supernatural. Myths represent reality.  Legends are stories or collections of stories handed down from generation to generation, and are historical in nature.

So if you look up Diana you will here many wonderful myths and legends about her.  Depending on whether you like the Greek or Roman Goddess you will find Diana.  Who is also known as Artemis,  and or Luna.  The myth & one of my favorite is that she is the daughter of Zeus.  that would be Greek Artemis, same Goddess. Her stories are all similar in that she was unhappy with her father being a cheater, and vowed to never marry.  She has a twin brother Apollo, who is also one of her closest allies. Confident.  She travels with dogs, and woodland nymphs, she is the virgin Goddess, and carries a bow like her brother, a skilled hunter, defender of the week, or unprotected.  In Roman stories she is the daughter of Jupiter and Latona her twin is still Apollo. 

One of my favorite myths as I started earlier is where Artemis Diana Luna does fall in love and in a match between her beloved Orion, and her brother he falls.  In some pictures you will see her shooting at the stars that is the reason, for she shoots the stars for the love of Orion. So if you choose Diana as your Goddess you will find her to be compassionate in matters of love as well. 

Trust me when I say she has many great myths and legends, her stories can even be found in the bible, and she had her hand in the battles of Troy as well. She makes excellent material for bedtimes stories, and movies :) :) 


Monday, February 13, 2012

A Morning Stroll With The Lady

I went for a walk this morning,, I had this overwhelming urge to go outside and just think, reflect, take pictures, and cleanse my stones in the crick that we have out back.  It's cold, but wow was it amazing this morning, I brought with me also my familer, and a bag for collecting pine needles, or anything else that I would wonder upon. 

This is for me today,  I have been learning so much, and there is still so much to learn.  I've been using the resource's that are available to me, and working with what I have. I have met some wonderful women, generous of heart and knowledge.  I follow them only to learn, and what Im learning is of love. I have found that my feelings are valid, and I do not have to explain them to anyone. I have learned that my feelings are useful tools to channel energy and strength  from, and   I have found a new sense of confidence.  

Im not a rich person, we live on a shoestring budget, there are times I would wish for more, more stuff money for worshiping??   What a bizarre concept when I think about that. When today I know that just by going outside I am worshiping.

   I cant help but reflecting a little about the past, how Im changed now.  I was a selfish. ungrateful drunk, that did not appropriate the beauty of life, I took it for granted, and welcomed death, in fact hoped for it.  Today I feel the love of life, I do not fear death,  I dont think Im ever going to be accepting of loosing anyone I love, but today I love life. Today I am in a place that I am grateful for all the little things.

I've learned in my Wiccan path, that nature is my best friend, and she is wonderful and amazing, today Im grateful for even the snow.  I think now more then ever, Im happy, really really happy.  I have found friends that accept me the way I am, and some that even come to me with questions.  I listen carefully now to the sounds of life the birds singing for spring coming, my dogs eyes when they speak to me.  I also listen now more the words of the people who come into my life, and I know that they are there for a reason, that there are no coincidence's. 

Im in the process of making my own wand, Im really excited about that, and it was from things that I already had available when it's done I will post it. Im using Hawthorne because of it's protective proprieties. We have a lot of tree's right in the back yard. :)   Im also working on my torot training, and actually getting pretty good.  Im more familer with the cards and there meanings, even for me which is hard task, to remain, outside of ones self.  Im also learning more about the Gods and Goddess,,  Im still stuck, well not stuck, but drawn towards Artemis, Im not sure yet why, but I am sure I will find out. :)  

I needed that little bit of time to reflect on what is important to me.  What my real needs are and not wants.  I discovered that I really dont have any needs :)  They are met in everyway.  Im grateful to be loved by a man who loves me just the way I am,, and Im silly goofy, some what of a clutz,, I cant sing to save my life but do it anyway,, and I love dancing. I also have inappropriate laughter, and find things funny that maybe are not. I have laughter, and to me that's important, appropriate or not.  Im not hungry homeless or unloved, and at one time I was all of that.  So today Im grateful.  My life is far from perfect, I have bills, car insurance that comes before books I want, or candles I want, or flowers that I want  But with that in mind I have my needs being met, and I am happy.  So with that all being said, and no real reason for this blog except that it is for me.  Im going to go back to my studies.  I will leave a fun picture that I took on my spiritual  walk this morning.. I't just to cute to leave out.

After lessons, I think I might try something new.  I've been wanting to learn how to do caramel apples because I love them, but I want to add cinnamon to them just for love, and to be different.  Blessed Be with Love and Light Lady Kane )0(

Friday, February 10, 2012

To Coven or not to Coven?

Welcome, & Merry Meet, Im doing my blog today for the Pagan Blog Project and am grateful to be part of it.  This week we are on C again, and am glad for that also, as this time I did not need to do to much research for the text of my blog.  

We recently celebrated Imbolic, and I personally have been trying to get in touch with a local coven that I have heard so many good and positive things about. So it begins like this...

I was first introduced to Laurel-Grove-Wiccan-Circle by word of mouth first by a friend, who is part of a paranormal group, then by my daughter.  I've always been the one to believe that if it keeps coming back to you, or that if it is a continued thought that there is a reason, so I began to take a closer look at what would be involved in this coven.  Imbolic came and I was sent an invitation to attend. Yay a perfect opportunity to get to know the group. Totally thrilled and not knowing a thing, except for a few names, and what to wear,, Yes we had cloths on, but to be honest that was one of my concerns,  it's my understanding that some covens are skyclad, another policy of mine is if you dont know ask.  lol.

I was pleasantly surprised by the group of people I met,  and was immediately treated like family.  I was greeted with warm hello's Merry Meet's and Blessed Be's, and was put to work almost as fast.  I loved it!  I also asked a lot of questions.  I suppose anyone would.  The first one was is there a formal ritual or initiation into the coven, and the answer was no, that some do that, and it's a matter of preference between coven families.   There purpose is to be part of the community as witch's offering what ever is needed to help other witch's or the community as a whole.  For the most part we only gather for holidays, But have started doing other things inside the communities to teach not only other witch's about witch stuff,, but also to teach people about us, that we are not to be feared.  We are in the process of doing what is called workshops where for a very small cost you can learn how to make your own runes,  or jewelry with magic intent. All of which you keep when the the workshop is done.   They also offer at no cost for Gardnerians  wicca training.  It was Gerald Gardner who made it his policy to never charge for education, or spiritual improvement.  He also firmly place "with harm to none"  in his conduct of teaching.  At that the discover of nature and all her mysteries should be a shared practice.  So basically in my experience, it's totally to coven.  I found my experience to be more of an outdoor church, that would be the actual ritual, which was conducted with all manners and behaviors that you would have in a church, such as dont leave the circle, or do not speak unless you are invited to.  After the ritual was when the real fun began, for myself It felt similar to a fellowshipping just like you would have after a church service, only way more fun.  We ate cakes that where prepared for the ritual, and for those of us who dont drink where offered herbal tea's, or punch for ale.  It was a really great experience and one that I intend to continue, as the friendships there can become very special.  To me coven means family and friends.  This is just my experience if you have a chance to find your own,, I reccemend it, but would also suggest asking questions, and learning what you can about what ever coven you choose before becoming involved. 

Blessed Be with love and light.  Lady Kane

Friday, February 3, 2012

Core Feelings

Welcome, what Im about to address is something more on the spiritual level of witch crafting., and something that I think anyone should do, witch or not.

When I was in recovery, (there where several) the final recovery, the one that took. (kind of, as I relapsed again, only to remember there lessons)  One of the things that I really found helpful was the use of affirmations, positive thinking, and getting to know your core feelings.  At the time I remember thinking to my self, as this was a Christian organization that they where in fact doing magic, in a sense of changing perspectives...

One of the first things they teach you in recovery is that if you repeat the same behavior expect the same results.  You need to change everything about you, people you hang with, place's you go, and things that you do.  When I finally made the decision to become sober, I did just that.  Including my hair color,, lol,, I do not think they ment that, but hey, it's me :) 

I already covered affirmations,  they work for me,, and the moto is "work it"  At the home I was at we stayed there for 9 months, with 25 other women all in recovery of one form or another, it was a enlightening experience, to say the least. When we "worked" our 4th 5th and 6th step all very important,, and for me incredibly  difficult, they taught us "core feeling"  Okay so now your saying Kane get to the point,,, Core feelings are deeper then just a quick scan of "how you feeling today?"   We where taught to get in touch with what we feel when... we made lists,,  This is an example.

List work
1 List of concerns/confrontations  
2 Appreciations /gratitude 
3 Goals
4 Personal Boundaries

At first glance you would think okay so what,, but let me tell you,, and any good alcoholic can tell you that, that list is a joke. Really,, we do not do confrontations, and personal boundaries do not exist  , we hide, or run or concerns are simple next hit, or next bottle,, so you see the pattern I wont go any further with that ...

Next is a little more difficult
1. When you (actual behavior)
2. Like the time you (specific behavior)
3. I feel (3 or more core feelings)

Core feelings
Happy, hopeful, lonely, hurt, sad, peaceful, grateful, guilty, proud, shame, relieved, loved, angry. Basic like the basic colors,, really. In fact for me I associated  colors with each feeling. It worked for me. 

Now if you make those list,,, and or fill out the behaviors, you will see how it helps.. and what your core feelings are, how to know what you are really feeling,, and how you can change them.  In changing your core feelings your are leaving room open for more positive behaviors, and more productive magic.. 

Example I'll use my husband (poor guy, I always pick on him)
When you clean the house at 7:30am,, like you do everyday, I feel guilty, shamed and angry. 
When you clean the house at 7:30am like you do every morning, I feel grateful, proud,  and loved.

Do you see how changing your core feelings can change your perspective,, allowing for love.
Another one I can use is when I was in my drinking days,, and at the time I did not notice of course. I love my bestie,, she been with me through it all,, and loved me the whole time..

Example Lisa my bestie
When you pick on me about drinking, like the time I got drunk and knocked over your bird cage. I feel angry, shamed, and resentful. This one is hard because really I was drunk, and I was trying to help, but in fact made more work and could have hurt her bird. But she recognized that, and in fact was concerned for me.. so If I turn it around and say 
When you show concern for my drinking, like when I knocked over your bird cage, it makes me feel loved, sad, that I let you down, and relieved that we are still friends :) 

So in the end getting to know your core feelings, and realizing them,, leaves room for the more positive behaviors, and feelings,, which of course helps to know yourself better,, and gets you closer spiritually to the Mother, and Father.  Releasing these feelings is just invigorating, and rewarding.

Let loose of what you can not control and serenity will be yours~

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Missing in Action

I cant apologize tor my absenteeism,, we had a death in the family, and in all honesty my mind has been on other things,,

Now I think I can share. Those that know me know that Im newly recovering,, death is one of the many things that I have never dealt well with, and I have to admit that this one Im actually proud that the thought never entered my mind,, I still did not handle this death as well as I could have, but I am a work in progress,, angry and hurt is all  part of the natural process.  So with that Im right on time, 

Maybe it's just me,, but spiritually, I have never in my life felt this happy, this content knowing that things will work out the way they are ment to no matter the interference from us. I cried of course, more for my brother then for the loss of my nephew,, my brother and I are very close,, and Little Bobby was his oldest child,, I can only imagine what he had to be feeling.  Little Bobby and I where not close, we had age, time and distance that separated us, still I tried to go to the memorial,, and you know if  it's Goddess's plan,, I still will,, I know Im not fighting for it anymore, that everything happens for reason.

That brings me to the point of this blog,, since recovery, and then my coming back to my path, the amount of structure, and spirituality  has changed in me.  In the past I would automatically looked for an outlet, or a hiding place for this pain, now I know so many other ways, I am grateful today, I can meditate, I can take a walk and talk to Goddess,, and actually feel the security she gives me.  Im not lonely because I can tell that my guides are there,, when I cry, or get angry today I know that my feelings are justified, and that it is okay to feel them,, I dont have the doubts anymore, and I dont need validation from anyone to tell me that it's okay.  Today when I look at things I look at them from different eyes, and  a more grateful heart. I see beauty in everything.  I look for the good, and not the bad.  Today life is beautiful,, and death as grievous as it is,, it is not something to weep over really,, it should be in fact something to rejoice about.   Im grateful for the opportunity  to now know the difference, in what really matters,, to love now like you dont know if tomorrow will be here,, because you know what,, you dont,, and you know what else,, today I dont fear that,, and I do not have regrets.  What a blessing it is to let my wings out and grow, Im looking forward to the lessons, with an open heart, and mind,, Bright Blessings with love and light. Lady Kane
Clouds come into my life, no longer carry rain or usher storms,  but add color to my  sunset sky~Rabndranath Taggor~